At first I was kind of happy, I thought of myself as Wendy in Peter Pan, and I was allowed "another night in the nursery." Another season where everything would remain as it had been during my high school experience.
After one week of really my "last night in the nursery," reality kind of kicked in. I realized that I really didn't belong in the youth group anymore, neither did I really belong anywhere else. I hopelessly joined the Women's bible study, only to find that the youngest of them were raising children. I felt hopeless and this feeling of not belonging. My friends who were still in the youth group treated me the same but no one even pretended that it was really the same as it had been. I couldn't come to teen activities without feeling like I really shouldn't be there, but all the while there was no where else I could go.
God, however, is undeniably faithful and he loves us and gives us peace in every season of life.
The bible study has actually been better than I imagined and has really hit home in a lot of ways. I have been convicted, changed and encouraged, which is the purpose for attending something like that anyway. Also I have come to see in a very real way, how the ladies in the bible study (though years older) still battle with the same things I do, and really aren't that different from me at all. I reaized that I actually do relate to them and really quite well. I may have to laugh unknowingly at their trials in their families, but deep down we both know we're just sisters in Christ.
Another huge blessing is that Johanna asked me to help with the kids downstairs when my bible study ends (in two weeks) so again God has shed his grace on me ad given me hope for tomorrow.
Other blessings I have learned to embrace are, more time spent with Cede (literally watching her grow!) more time with Daniel, My wonderful job at the bookstore, a car for my use, not to much academic strain, and all of the spiritual blessings as well.
I have also learned that change happens. It reminds me of the blog Gretchen wrote about similar things. It helps us to hope fr eternity and to cling to our never changing God, but it's still not easy or convenient.
Pray for me as I embark on this strange and quickly fleeting time in my life. That I will not only refrain from sin, but that I will encourage others to do the same, that I will not only learn to be faithful, but I will learn to have patience also.
God knows what he's doing, even when I don't.
What happens on sunday nights when we realize there's only one piece of pizza left.
9 comments:
Emily,
I know I already told you what I think about this since I was with you when I read this! But, I wanted to let you know also that this is kind of something that I think everyone goes through in some way. I remember it being the opposite way for me, like I was still in the teen group and all my friends were in the singles group and college, so I was left out when they were all away at college. I missed them lots. But now, like I said, even another uncomfortable season of life for me. I think that God can use you in any season, but specifically in each. He has used you to be a blessing to me in the women's bible study, (sorry for bursting out laughing at the hormone discussion last week!), and also this nursing home and everything. You will never have this fall again, never be able to be home while dad watches the baseball playoffs on weeknights EVER! At least till after College. (and knowing you, you'll probably be married. ;)
All that changes when you grow up, so do your best to enjoy it as a gift from God, and know that He is good. :)
Anna
p.s. Creepy 'Siah in the background of the picture!
Emily,
You have shown what a gifted writer you are in this post. And you are absolutely right. I have been very proud of how you handled your "middle ground" season, and how you embrace the awkwardness of not quite being the same as people in your Bible study. That is such great preparation for the rest of your life. So many people cannot ever get out of the mold of just being friends with people just like them. You know how I've lost friends when they had kids, because suddenly they think we can't relate on anything. But as you pointed out "we're really just sisters in Christ"! You have plunged in and found that the water is just fine -- that you can make friends with anybody who shares the common bond of Christ with you. What a blessing you will be to others in your future ministry! Even when you go away to college, and you discover many many people who are like you -- have the same goals, interests, and schedule so you can hang out and just really enjoy it -- don't forget the people who are not so very much like you. You can always reach out and love others who need it.
What a gift from God to be able to thrive in your situation. Anna is right -- God is so good! He uses all things for our good and His glory. I have seen what God has wrought in your life this fall, and it reminds me of the gospel, and points me to Christ.
I love you, dear sister! Change can be bitter, but ultimately, Jesus always makes it sweet by giving us more of himself!
~Gretchen
Thanks guys! You are so right.
-emma♥
God is "undeniably faithful" isn't he? As one of my professors said recently, "Your hope today is not that your devotions were long enough, or that you'll have strong enough affections for God, but that He will remain faithful to His covenant with you."
I'm glad you've grown through your Bible study. I think the unity and fellowship you are enjoying with Christians of widely differing ages/status/backgrounds is a wonderful testimony to the gospel. Christian fellowship is a great blessing and a means of grace.
I agree entirely, Josh.
♥
Emily..I remember feeling this exact way. I was dating a guy still in the youth group, most of my friends had gone away to school, and yet I was still here! All the singles were a decade older, and I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. I too started teaching with the kids during this time, and it was a great way to be used of God. You are a blessing!
Today, I needed spiritual encouragement from a friend and God led me to your last two blogs. Thank you for sharing from your heart as to how God is working in you. I really was encouraged through all that you shared but specifically the Psalms that you posted in your last blog.
Thanks for staying Faithful to Him. Thanks for being willing to be transparent and share what God is teaching you.
Thank for sharpening me when I really needed it.
Your Friend, Christen Taylor
Thanks for writing this.
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