At first I was kind of happy, I thought of myself as Wendy in Peter Pan, and I was allowed "another night in the nursery." Another season where everything would remain as it had been during my high school experience.
After one week of really my "last night in the nursery," reality kind of kicked in. I realized that I really didn't belong in the youth group anymore, neither did I really belong anywhere else. I hopelessly joined the Women's bible study, only to find that the youngest of them were raising children. I felt hopeless and this feeling of not belonging. My friends who were still in the youth group treated me the same but no one even pretended that it was really the same as it had been. I couldn't come to teen activities without feeling like I really shouldn't be there, but all the while there was no where else I could go.
God, however, is undeniably faithful and he loves us and gives us peace in every season of life.
The bible study has actually been better than I imagined and has really hit home in a lot of ways. I have been convicted, changed and encouraged, which is the purpose for attending something like that anyway. Also I have come to see in a very real way, how the ladies in the bible study (though years older) still battle with the same things I do, and really aren't that different from me at all. I reaized that I actually do relate to them and really quite well. I may have to laugh unknowingly at their trials in their families, but deep down we both know we're just sisters in Christ.
Another huge blessing is that Johanna asked me to help with the kids downstairs when my bible study ends (in two weeks) so again God has shed his grace on me ad given me hope for tomorrow.
Other blessings I have learned to embrace are, more time spent with Cede (literally watching her grow!) more time with Daniel, My wonderful job at the bookstore, a car for my use, not to much academic strain, and all of the spiritual blessings as well.
I have also learned that change happens. It reminds me of the blog Gretchen wrote about similar things. It helps us to hope fr eternity and to cling to our never changing God, but it's still not easy or convenient.
Pray for me as I embark on this strange and quickly fleeting time in my life. That I will not only refrain from sin, but that I will encourage others to do the same, that I will not only learn to be faithful, but I will learn to have patience also.
God knows what he's doing, even when I don't.
What happens on sunday nights when we realize there's only one piece of pizza left.
